Three Years
by Rei Kiri
Summary: So many things can change in three years' time.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N** Wow it had been a while since I wrote anything that had to do with Gravitation! But hell, got the inspiration going...

**Disclaimer:** Don't own Gravitation, or any of the characters in it. I'm just a fan.

Hope everyone enjoys!

If you've read it, please leave a review... it's really no fun seeing no reviews on a story I was working hard on writing. Take the two minutes to tell me what you think :)

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**Prologue**

The phone rang.

That loud, annoying sound that is never leaving him alone… although it had gotten better in the last few months. People were giving up on him; and for a damn good reason.

He let out a sigh as the phone finally stopped ringing, and went straight to voicemail. _This is Yuki Eiri. Don't leave a message unless absolutely important. Beeeeeeeep._

"Eiri, I'm getting worried about you, the deadline for your last novel has passed almost a year ago, and you've only written half of it. You don't accept anything else. I want to meet you as soon – "

The blonde hit the button that made his publisher shut up. Nothing there that he wasn't already aware of. It had been over two months since he wrote a single word, but he wasn't able to write anything useful for over two years. His last book was his worse – something that didn't even hit the charts. Started off with great sales, as all of his books, but when reviews came the sales rates were rapidly dropping – and for a damn good reason. It sucked. He knew it, the publisher knew it, but after trying to rewrite it for the tenth time they gave up and hoped for the best.

At first, he was answering his calls, apologizing somewhat, promising to keep on writing. He tried to, but nothing came to him. Then, little by little, he gave up. He stopped answering all the calls about his deadlines – he knew he would never meet them, and got tired of lying.

Slowly they stopped calling him, realizing they won't get much from it. There were still some persistent ones, calling once in a while to check in. Sometimes he even answers the phone.

Yuki reached for his cigarette pack somewhere on the desk near him, took one out, stuck it between his lips and lit it. He took it in deeply, and exhaled the smoke, letting it float in the air around him. He tried to quit, once. Three years ago. But was unsuccessful. It lasted for a week, and then he finished three packs in one day before he was finally relaxed again. He never attempted that again. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, trying to empty his mind as the tobacco stick slowly burned away.

"Yuki…"

When he heard his name, he didn't even bother opening up his eyes. _So, she's awake now. Good. Time to kick her out_. He thought, and took in another breath.

"Yuki!" She repeated, closer this time. She probably realized he wasn't anywhere near the bedroom and decided looking for him. How annoying. He thought about it for a moment; no, he had no idea what her name was, but he was pretty sure it was something with "mi" in it. He didn't care, either.

"Oh there you are! I was looking for you… mmmmmmmm you look so good…" he felt small, warm hands landing on his shoulders, and then a pair of lips attached itself to his earlobe. He allowed himself to let out a sigh before he opened his eyes.

"I know," he said, rather coldly. Maybe he hurt her, he didn't care.

"Aww, arrogant, much? But you have every reason to be… you're Yuki Eiri after all," she giggled, and then he could see the girl standing right in front of him. She was pretty, yeah; although most of her makeup was smeared from the night, her fake eyelashes were still attached, making her eyes look big and innocent. He chuckled; _innocent my ass_, after all the things she was willing to do for him last night.

That was why he loved his fangirls. They were so _willing_, so _easy_. They were always just there, easy prey for him to simply come and pick up like a penny thrown on the street, waiting for him to get whatever he wants with it. Some of them were very good at what they did, some knew less, but it didn't matter. It was always good.

But it never satisfied him.

"How about we go back to bed for a bit?"

"How about not?" he put out his cigarette at the ashtray on that same little desk, and attempted to get away from her. He usually hoped they'd get the message and get out on their own, but they rarely did. This one was persistent. She placed her hands on his shoulders again, this time pinning him down to his chair while she climbed on top of him.

"Well… here is good for me too," she giggled, and licked his neck slowly, reaching his lips. "I'm good wherever, as long as I have you… Oh I'm so happy about last night you have no idea… it had been my dream – "

"Yours and millions others – "

"I've loved you for years!"

"Do you even know what love is?" He couldn't stop himself; he looked at the young girls' face, and saw her surprised expression there, her big, brown eyes staring at him with puzzlement.

"Of course I do," she answered.

"So you should know you don't love me, girl. Last night was fun. But it's time for you to go," he gently pushed her away from him, but she remained still on him. "Go back to your parents."

Well, now she looked offended. "Why do you think I care about them? I'm twenty six. I'm old enough to take care of myself."

"Great… so go ahead with that. I've got work to do."

There was a moment of blessed silent as she was processing what he had just said. That was what Yuki hated about his fangirls. They were idiots.

"Hmm…" she said after a while, as if she has reached a conclusion. "Maybe… there is something that could change your mind?..." she said suggestively, and then started kissing his neck again, but this time she was going downwards. Her aim was bright and clear. Well then, if she wanted, and he wasn't going to have to do anything for it… what the heck.

He didn't stop her when she moved down on his body, and let out a moan when her mouth wrapped itself around him. He pulled on her hair when she sucked on him, pushed her to get him deeper when he was getting closer to his climax. She was very, very good, her tongue moving over all the right places, sucking just on the right time, with just the right amount of force for just the right amount of time.

He lost himself for a moment, just before he came; but then the world came back to him, forcing him to face reality. "Ahh…" he sighed, "that was good," he pet her head, allowing her to stay down there for a moment longer to arrange herself. It wasn't easy, he knew, to satisfy him that way. He was already used to a certain way, and his body stuck to that.

But enough. Now she really had to leave. Otherwise she'd stick around all day long, and bug him and annoy him. Oh, no, he definitely didn't want to be dragged into _that_ again. Not after last time. And who knew? Maybe he'll finally get some writing down.

"I can do that again, if you want," she said, breathing heavily. But she lifted her face to look at him, licking her lips. "As many times as you want."

"That's very generous of you, but it's time for you to get dressed and go. For real this time."

"But – "

"Just get out already!" he hissed at her. Fuck her emotions, she didn't understand when he was nice. He saw the hurt look on her face when she got up on her feet and walked away. She didn't say a word to him when she walked past him again, this time fully clothed.

"Maybe I could stay just a little bit longer? I can make you breakfast – "

"Can't you take a damn hint?" he got up from his chair, annoyed, and walked her towards the door. "I don't want to see you again. Understood?"

"I'm sorry," she answered. "I didn't mean to annoy you – "

"Understood?" he repeated. How dense can she be?

"Y…yes… Goodbye, Yuki. Thank you for a wonderful night," she said before she opened the door and walked away.

Yuki let out a sigh of relief as he was closing the door behind her, and went back to his seat. He lit up another cigarette and tried to relax. It worked pretty good with the silence around him; so good he thought he might even be able to write something. So he got up, put on a pair of boxers, and sat down in his office with a cup of coffee and his cigarette pack. He stared at it for a while, drank his coffee, and smoked three more cigarettes before he was ready to give up, yet again.

He let out a sigh, and was about to make himself another cup of coffee when he heard a knock on the door. It surprised him; he wasn't expecting anyone, as his editors and publishers all already realized they weren't going to get anything done from him if they pushed, his sister was out of town, his parents would never visit him in his 'lair of sins' and he had no friends who might come, except maybe Tohma. And he was away, with his sister.

Maybe it was that damned girl, coming back to get something she forgot – or give back something she guiltily took. They did that sometimes, grabbing a pair of his used underwear from the day before or something like that. He never cared.

Well, what the hell, he thought to himself as he walked towards the door. Curiosity drove him to get that, and he was bored as hell as it was.

He lazily opened the door. "What?" he asked coldly, before raising his eyes to see his visitor.

"Hello, Yuki. You haven't changed much, haven't you?"

The familiarity of the voice made him look up sharply. Could this be?...

But yes. Same voice, same smiling face, same violet eyes. But he was the wrong height, wore the wrong hair colour, and had a completely different aura. However, it was clearly him. Three years have passed, but he would recognize him even if it were a hundred.

"Surprised to see me, aren't you? Mind if I come in?" Shuichi didn't really wait for an invite, and walked inside the house that was once theirs.

**~TBC~**

**Liked it? Let me know!**

**Hated it? Show me how I can improve!**

**-Rei :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: Thanks Lilly Bri and islandeyes for the reviews! I really appreciate it and am happy that you enjoyed it :) This one is for you!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gravitation, unfortunately...

**ENJOY!**

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Three years. Three years have passed since they saw each other. Three years have passed since that day, when the young boy announced he was leaving him. Three years since that cursed goodbye, since Yuki have made his decision to never, ever get involved with someone again. He did pretty well pushing that days' events to the back of his mind, but Shuichi Shindou's presence in his room, sitting in the chair he always used to sit in, have brought everything back. It was a clean cut, but an ugly break up none the less. _I fell in love_, the pink haired boy have said. _I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you. Things just happened that way… I had to let you know_. Well, he might as well just not know and be fine. He'd prefer thinking the pop star simply grew tired of the boring, older partner of his. Wanted to pursue his career elsewhere, like everyone did when they already had Japan in their pockets. He'd rather think it was that fight they had the night before, a silly fight over something stupid, Yuki preferring to finish that chapter than stand up to his promise for a romantic dinner with his young lover. All of these were fine. Legitimate.

But he didn't want to know that for the last three months he was played with. He didn't want to know that during those last ninety days of their relationship, it had all been a lie.

No; Shuichi didn't come clean for Yuki's sake. What he did was a selfish act of a guilty conscious. He wanted to feel better about himself, knowing he didn't lie anymore. That he confessed his previous lies. That was the real reason behind his words. _I'm sleeping with Ryuichi. I fell in love with him. I'm sorry, I still love you, but this just ain't right._

He didn't show it back then, but he was mad. Mad enough he could kill the boy; but he kept his temper, he watched his words carefully. _Is that so?_ He said. _I hope you find happiness with him_. He hoped the brat will get what he deserve and be cheated on, so he knew how it felt like. So he'd know how much betrayal burnt. Still loves him his ass! No one can love someone but let someone else fuck him at the same time. Not even Yuki could do such a thing. How can you love two different people?

The memories and emotions and thoughts all ran through Yuki's mind as he looked at the man who was sitting across from him. Yes, he has grown to be a man now. A pretty handsome one, too, looking like he'd just stepped out of a magazine, in a designed Jeans and a tight black top that showed just enough… He was completely different, but at the same time so much the same. He didn't dye his hair anymore, and now Yuki could see the shade of dark brown that was his natural colour. It was pretty, but looked somewhat strange with his purple eyes after he got so used to that horrible bright pink shade of his. And those eyes… they had something different about them. Less of that childish innocent he left with. Now there was wisdom in them, experience earned. He was more serious, took himself less lightly. His posture was different; he now knew who he was, and what he was worth. No longer adolescent arrogance but an artists' ego. His body was more well shaped, as well. Shuichi was, and will probably always be, skinny and tiny. But it was clear he was working out and watching his shape now.

The only thing that have stayed exactly the same, was his smile. His charming smile have never lost his innocent, have never lost a tiny bit of happiness that was always it's share. And with that smile he was currently looking at him.

This new Shuichi surprised him. Through this time, yes, Yuki had thought about the boy. It was impossible not to, what with the news always filled with updates about his career. This is how Yuki knew Bad Luck didn't exist anymore; after Shuichi followed his new lover to the States, they tried making it with another vocalist but it didn't work, and they broke apart. That was how he knew Shindou was now not only a musician, but also a model, which probably explains his new, better shaped body and better posture. But after a few months Yuki got tired of the constant reminder of how successful he was now, and he simply stopped listening to the news. It did only good to him – the amount of time he thought about the boy decreased dramatically with time, and it was a good sign. However, now and then, especially when there was a feature of him in a magazine that Yuki's eyes fell on while he was walking at a book store, looking mostly at his own books, he couldn't avoid thinking about him. Imagining how he was doing, and whether or not he got what he deserved. But always when he thought about him, he couldn't shake the image of the boy who used to share his bed. No matter how serious he looked at his pictures, no matter how tamed his hair seemed lately, he was always the same kid to him – pink hair that was usually terribly messy, bright violet eyes that were looking at him admiringly, the small mouth that was always busy – eating, talking, singing or kissing him, he never rested unless the boy was asleep. And even then he was usually sleep talking. Yuki would never admit it, but he actually liked that. Especially since most of what the singer said was about him, and how much he loved him.

Even when he was fucking that Sakuma bitch.

"I'm sure you didn't miss me," he said. His voice was a little bit deeper; but not enough so Yuki would think about it as different.

"Was I supposed to?" the blond answered coldly. It was somewhat hard to maintain his cool. Somewhere inside him, he always missed his little lover. Every woman he fucked, they were all chosen. Something about them that reminded him of that little brat; sometimes it was the shape of their faces. Sometimes the nose. Sometimes the hair. Sometimes the shape of their body or the way they moved. He was still mad at him – not for leaving him. For cheating on him. He still cared, but he wouldn't never admit it, not even to himself.

The smile disappeared for a second, and then came back shyly, in a sadder version. "No, I guess not."

"Hmpf."

Awkward silence lay between the two of them. Can't stand to bear the tension, Yuki reached inside his shirt pocket (Shuichi waited in the living room while he carelessly put some clothes on) for a cigarette, and lit it. He was about to put the lighter away when he realized that in such long time, the other boy might have started smoking as well. He offered him one, and was refused kindly.

"I have to keep my voice clean, so no cigarettes for me," was the answer, adorn with another shy smile, but this one lacked the sadness his former had.

"Why are you here?" Yuki asked eventually. He wanted to ask it for a while now, but didn't know of a polite way to do so. Then he decided he didn't care. That brat hurt him the second worse way possible; why should he care?

"I… well…" Shuichi moved uncomfortably in his chair, and looked thoughtful for a moment. "I came back to Japan a couple days ago… and I was thinking about you. Well, actually I was thinking about you long before that, but now that I'm here… I thought I might see you again. Catch up a little bit."

"Catching up, eh? So I guess it didn't work well with you and Sakuma-san after all, considering how alone you are. Inside my house." He wasn't able to control the bitterness in his voice, and didn't want to hide the irony of the situation. The outcome was a little sharper than he intended. He saw Shuichi tensing.

"Ryuichi? Oh… uh, yeah. We broke up about…" he thought for a second. "Over a year ago."

So they were together for about two years. A decent amount of time, but for Shuichi to follow him like this after he spent five years in Yuki's house, sharing his bed… he expected something more than that. Well, the brat got what he deserved. "It didn't work out. We were too much the same, I think…"

"That's just too bad." He cut into his words, to demonstrate just how much sympathy he felt. None.

"Yeah… uhm, that wasn't what I wanted to speak about, actually…" the younger man looked a little embarrassed, and he scratched the top of his head uncomfortably. "Not a very good subject for us, isn't it?" he tried to laugh it off; Yuki wasn't very impressed. "I… eh… do you, um, have anyone new? They always write just boring bullshit in the magazines and I don't know what to believe to, so…"

"The usual," the blond answered. He put his cigarette out, and lit another one. For how long does this brat intend to stay, exactly? He seemed very unprepared, like he had no idea what he came for. Like he was passing by and decided to drop in and say hi. It was so like him. "Are you here to ask about my women?"

"No, no, no… of course not," Shuichi said fast. Too fast, maybe. "Actually… no one really knows about it yet, but me and Hiro… we kinda agreed to do a little comeback concert, you know, in the memory of the good days and stuff. I thought… you might wanna come and see. It's going to be in Zepp Tokyo next Saturda -"

"So this is why you're here? To invite me to yet another one of your crappy concerts? I bet your amateur lyrics haven't changed a tiny bit."

"I still think they're pretty good."

The little idiot. Still defends his stupid songs. "Which is probably why you never really improved. Well, anyway, Shindou… I have to go back to work. I was just about to finish a scene when you knocked, and I don't know how much you read, but I'm a little behind on my schedule. Don't look forward to see me there, Shindou. I was actually pretty relieved to get rid of the need to attend those silly things."

"I… I understand, it's cool. You don't have to, I just thought… it'd be polite to offer. I'm sorry I bothered you, but happy I could see you again. Maybe… maybe we'll bump into each other again sometime, nee?"

"Whatever," Yuki stood up, put out his cigarette again, and turned towards the kitchen. "You already know where the door is, don't you?"

He heard an agreeing murmur behind him, and then the dragging of a chair on the floor (another thing that haven't change, and Yuki always hated), and footsteps fading away. When he put the water to boil, he heard the door being opened, and then shut close.

He was alone again.

Yuki hit the kitchen wall hard with his fist. Why did he have to show up? Why now, after all this time? And to have the nerve to ask him to go to his stupid concert! After everything he'd done.

There was no way Yuki was going.

And he was going to contact Tohma for not giving him a warning that the brat was coming back to Japan. With the Bad Luck concert being planned, his brother in law surly knew about it long ago.

***TBC***

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Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this part as well!

Now please leave me a review in the little box right below this sentence and let me know what you thought of it... I want to improve, and I need motivation to keep writing ^-^


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** AAAAAAAAAnd chapter 3 is already here! Hope you will enjoy this one, it's a little bit longer... sorry for that!

I only got one review for last chapter :( its sad, it kinda takes the wind out of my sails... a writer wants to know what other people think of what they publish! Even a short comment is enough, and I'll be more than happy to hear how I can improve (and, of course, if you liked my story:P)

so reviews, please?

**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Gravitation, blah blah blah

**ENJOY!**

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He had no idea what he expected, really. The idea just popped up in his mind when he was walking down a street, a road they used to walk together at the evenings Yuki was kinder to him. Then, being the impulsive guy he has always been, he paced down that road in the familiar way to Yuki's apartment, and before his brain could think and stop him from making that mistake, he knocked on the door, and there was no way back.

Shuichi was surprised at how much emotion this meeting held for him; of course, ever since _that _day he was thinking about Yuki. He never stopped loving him, really; not even when he lived with Ryuichi in New York. He was being stupid, walking away from that kind of relationship, but when his idol first kissed him all Shuichi could think about was his childhood dreams coming true. He never, in his wildest dreams, thought it might be even remotely possible that Ryuichi Sama would kiss him. And then they shared the stage, back in his first gig in Zepp Tokyo, and ever since they were in touch. They sang together now and then, even had fun playing with the idea of starting a boys band together, knowing it would be a huge success for sure. And then Shuichi had yet another one of his fights with Yuki – he didn't remember what it was anymore, but he assumed he did something to annoy the writer, as it was always his fault and he knew it, and Ryuichi was there and he hugged him to make him feel better and next thing Shuichi knew they were kissing.

Nothing happened that night, but a week after Ryuichi came over to Shuichi and Yuki's apartment after a gig while Yuki was in Fukuoka signing his books and the two got drunk and ended up in bed together. Shuichi felt bad for what he did, but Ryuichi was so different than what he knew; he had passion that was different than Yukis', he was warm and caring and gentle. He touched him in a loving way that Shuichi had never been touched before. They got along so well, and in that morning when they woke up embraced and naked, Ryuichi told him he loved him. That he did for really long time now, but didn't want to interfere with his happiness with Yuki.

Until this day, Shuichi doesn't know why he said he loved Ryuichi too. Sure, he did; he always has. But he wasn't so sure it really was romantic love, the kind of love he had for Yuki, or if it was just his mind playing tricks of him, after years of admiring the other man finally hearing him something like this, for sure he had to love him too!

Shuichi still remembers the smile his idol had on his face when he said he loved him back. His eyes were shining, and he went for another kiss. They made love again, and Shuichi thought he was happy like this, with him.

After that, for three months, Shuichi was torn between his relationship with Yuki and what he and Ryuichi had. He felt like he loved them both, and couldn't choose; he was going on secret dates with his fellow vocalist, spending money on love hotels and then some more money for them to shut up about their identity, and at night came back to Yuki's arms. After a while, Ryuichi started demanding a choice. His time in Japan was closing to an end, and soon he'd have to go back to the states for his career. He asked him to join him, said they could finally make all that talk about forming a band together true. He promised Shuichi big success all over the world, with tours and flights and acknowledgment like he could never get if he stays in Japan.

It was a huge decision to make. He would have to quit Bad Luck, for one; Hiro would be disappointed, it was their baby, their project since junior high school. He'd have to leave Yuki, whom he still loved.

Eventually, the promise of a universal career was too much to give up on, and he knew it would be wiser to let Yuki go. He spoke to Hiro about the whole thing. It was the first time his best friend heard he had any kind of relationship with Ryuichi, but he didn't seem to surprised. He was surprised, however, that Shuichi kept it a secret from him for so long. When Shuichi shared his concerns, Hiro advised him to drop the whole thing. Bad Luck was doing very well – they kept hitting top scores, their sales were awesome, their concerts were always sold out. Why move out? And most of all, why leaving Yuki?

If he really loved him so much, he wouldn't sleep with Ryuichi, wouldn't he? Was what Shuichi asked Hiro that time. "I think you'll be making a big mistake, Shu," he said. "But it's your life, and only you really know how you feel." So that evening when he came back home and found Yuki as usually sitting at his desk, struggling with his latest novel, he broke the news. _I need to talk with you, Yuki_, he said seriously. He could see the somewhat surprised look on his lover's face; Shuichi had never used this tune before. He could see that expression changing when he confessed his affair, at first to anger, and then indifference. It hurt to say these words, but it hurt even more seeing how unhurt Yuki looked. It was like Yuki knew that one day he'd leave him, and when that day comes he'll just find someone else to fuck. Realizing that, Shuichi was more content with his decision. He didn't want to be a sex toy, and that was all he'd ever been to Yuki. He wanted to be something more than that. _I'm going with him to America, we're going to sing together_, he said, much more confidently. _Good luck for you two_ was the answer. Cold, emotionless, flat. Shuichi said goodbye, and left the house. He left most of his clothes there, and the rest of his belongings, his music – that was already at Ryuichi's place as they were practicing together a lot.

And then came the press, bothering him about the break up, inquiring about his new relationship with Nittle Grasper's star. He was happy then; he felt relieved that he didn't need to lie anymore. They told the press how happy they are together, and promised to be back in Japan after their big break through. _Bad Luck isn't over,_ he promised, as he knew Hiro and Sugiru were already looking for another vocalist to replace him. He trusted his good friend to succeed. After all, if it wasn't for him, Bad Luck would have never made it in the first place. He was the power pushing them forward, not Shuichi. Shuichi was only the voice.

It was confusing time, and everything was changing so fast, and before Shuichi knew it he was in the United States again… but this time with Ryuichi, and fame already behind him in Japan, looking forward to conquer the rest of the world.

It started off great. Like a dream. Ryuichi added him to all his upcoming concerts, on the first one as a surprise guest when he announced that from now on, they will be performing together. The audience accepted Shuichi well, applauding him, making him gain confidence. The press was all around them, constantly interviewing them – or, more correctly, interviewing Ryuichi, as Shuichi couldn't really understand anything that was going on due to his lack of English knowledge. But he didn't mind; when a question was directed at him, Ryuichi would translate.

They got along like this for a year, living in practically heaven of love and fluffiness and music. They created a lot of music, both inspired by each other and by all the new experiences they were going through.

But then Shuichi realized he was living in Sakuma's shadow. Unable to really communicate, everything he did was always depending on Ryuichi's help. At concerts, no matter how much he tried, he couldn't reach the audience which barely understood what he was saying – especially when he tried his luck with the foreign language. Little by little, and without him even noticing it, he became bitter about it. He was used to be the front man, used to be in the centre, always. No one ever fought that spot with him, all agreed with Hiroshi and Sugiru. Then, they started fighting. It started out small, but after another six months of snappy comebacks and fierce arguments, Shuichi realized this ship was going down. He had no idea how they managed to drag this, but it all blew when right after one of their bigger gigs they went to a pub with a couple of Ryuichi's friends, and after getting drunk the other boy kissed one girl. No, not kissed; they actually made out, right there, with Shuichi watching. He got furious and walked away, sleeping on the couch. He could see when his boyfriend came back, hours later, with the giggling girl hang on him. He could hear the bed, _their_ bed squeaking under the pressure of two bodies fiercely moving on it, heard the groans and moans and dirty talk that was supposed to be saved for him, and for him only. He was still awake to witness when he snuck her out the next morning, probably hoping Shuichi wouldn't notice. Shuichi didn't really say anything; there was nothing left to be said. He just claimed to be feeling bad after the drinking, letting Ryuichi go to the studio alone, and while he was away he simply packed his stuff and left.

He spent that night at a hotel. It was the first night they spent separately ever since going to the U.S.A, and it felt strange. Shuichi wasn't used to being alone at night, at a strange country speaking a language he couldn't understand. It was awful, especially when he had to ignore all Ryuichi's calls and messages asking where the hell he was. When he finally answered, it was a short conversation. He didn't really let the other man say anything, but simply explained the situation in an even, cold voice. _I don't want to see you anymore, not after last night. We're over._ And then he simply hung up, and ignored any following calls from his now ex. He had no idea how painful it was to see your loved kissing someone else. True, there was that time with Ayaka, who claimed to be Yuki's fiancé. But Yuki didn't really pay any attention to her, and was still basically Shuichis. It was different.

He mourned at his hotel room for a couple of days, ordering pizzas and not leaving, until he was well enough to deal with the world.

The following day he enrolled in English class, and started it the week after. The year that followed their breakup (on which they had to speak, separately on the different media – especially from Japan) was the toughest year of Shuichi's life. Little by little he managed to get along with the language, although even now, over a year after, he still couldn't master the language, but it was getting better. He was trying to perform on his own, but ended up being called from a model agency that liked his looks and spirit and wanted him to do some commercials for them. This was how he ended up stopping to dye his hair – the pink shade didn't fit with their profiles. He realized that they were right; he was already twenty four, and it was definitely time to drop his childish image and start being a man. So he started going to the gym and work out, and worked on his music a lot, making it more mature. Less of that funky pop he and Hiro wrote when they were in high school; the winds were blowing now in a more rockfish kind of way, and that was where he was going. Working on his voice, he learned how to sing in a little deeper voice, with more emotion and less counting on his fun character.

He decided to go back to Japan when loneliness struck him too hard. He managed to make some friends, that's for sure; he even had several lovers over the time. But it was all fake – he didn't really connect with any of these people, and he missed his old band.

He was speaking with Hiro about it long before he actually bought the ticket and got on a plane. His friend encouraged him to stay, to try harder, to not give up. But at the same time, they brought up memories of Bad Luck together, remembering how fun it was performing together. Recalling their first live, when Shuichi froze when he spotted Yuki in at the back and how Ryuichi came for the rescue. It wasn't really painful to talk about Ryuichi, Shuichi found out. Not even knowing the man cheated on him, not even when he knew he followed him here and lived in his shadow for almost two years, but he had no remorse and he wasn't mad.

He then said something about being happy to play together with Hiro again, and the other man clicked with the idea. They agreed on a comeback performance, and hung up the phone with a promise for a gig.

And now, Shuichi was back in Japan, a gig was planned as agreed and everything seemed to go back to normal again, before any of this craziness started. Everyone complimented on his new appearance, telling him how good he looked now. Matured. A real man.

And then came that day when he suddenly remembered Yuki, and decided to pay him a visit and see how he was doing. It was a nice surprise seeing him walking around in his boxers; the man haven't changed a bit, and was still the sexiest guy Shuichi have ever seen. It brought up the memories, and the feelings, but he knew that after what he'd done he had no chance with him again. Yuki wasn't the kind of guy you could hurt and then crawl back and he'd take you. When he sat there and waited for him to get dressed, he tried to arrange his thoughts. What was he doing here, exactly? They weren't the same being anymore. They had nothing in common anymore. What was he expecting? What did he want?

Shuichi still haven't figured this out by the time Yuki came back, and the outcome was the odd conversation they had. And then he brought up the concert. He didn't really plan on inviting him to his concert, that just came out of his mouth. Obviously, the blond wouldn't agree. At least long enough has passed so he could act politely towards him, even though he didn't offer him a beverage or anything but a cigarette, but he assumed he didn't deserve being offered anything.

When Yuki asked him to leave, in his polite way, Shuichi knew he had one chance, and he missed it. Now he probably will never have a second chance to make things right again.

***TBC***

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**A/N:** I really hope you enjoyed that one, I know it was a little more informative than the rest of them but I believe it was important in order to understand. Next chapter will be more... fun :P

Don't forget to leave a review before you move on! ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: First of all, sorry for long time folks. Been on a trip and didn't really had much time to write... But now next chapter is up and hopefully I can go back to fast pace again!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Gravitation or its characters, blah blah blah

Enjoy reading!

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The following days until the concert were too busy to allow Shuichi to think about anything else. Bad Luck were practicing all the time (even Sugiro joined, and Shuichi had to admit that in three years time the kid have improved a lot), and they were still constantly interviewed and asked about the future of Bad Luck – a question which neither of them could really answer. Shuichi wasn't sure he had a right to ask to bring it all back – after all, _he_ was the one who left in the first place, thus breaking apart the band and throwing away everything they had. It was a well known fact that the new vocalist didn't quite do the job right; the drops in their album sales and lack of concerts were a living proof. The fact that they actually broke apart not too long after, Hiro starting his solo career as a guitarist and Sugiro joining some other young band of a complete different nature, made Shuichi feel like a hypocrite just considering the idea. But then again, they had so much fun together.

It was all intensified when the actual day of the concert rolled by. They arrived at the venue earlier than usual – even too early for the crazed fans who usually waited to wave at them when they got off their van. Shuichi assumed they were probably very disappointed; standing there for hours with the hope of getting a glimpe of them but getting nothing what's so ever. He could still remember when he was a little boy, looking up to Nittle Grasper and Sakuma Ryuichi… oh, the kids had no idea how the world really worked. They didn't know who he really was, and he doubted they cared, too. All they wanted was the glamorous version of him, the happy figure that dominated the stage, the rock star that seemingly led the perfect life. What did they know about his life? They had no idea he cheated on Yuki Eiri. The blond was kind enough not letting the media know just for how long Shuichi's relationship with Ryuichi had been going on. For the fans, he and Yuki broke up, and then he ended up with Nittle Grasper's vocalist. They had no idea how much he struggled in America; the papers here published they success, but he never let them know it was all Ryuichi, and that he couldn't do it for the life of him.

He wasn't mad at them for assuming. He used to be exactly the same.

They spent the hours they had on the empty stage to prepare for their concert. It had been so long since Shuichi had been on a stage, that he clearly needed that time… and as a group, they needed to make sure their chemistry still worked. Practicing in a studio was one thing; holding a stage, especially the one at the Zepp Tokyo, was something completely else.

When time to get dressed and put on makeup arrived, Shuichi was humming their old songs' melodies, going over the lyrics in his head. He still remembered everything, to the last note and the last word, even if for some of the songs he needed to pause and think at first, he never needed to check the lyrics. And why would he forget? After all, they were all songs that _he_ wrote, and each and every one of them still had a lot of meaning for him. He wrote most of them for Yuki; but the latest ones were divided by his lover and his boyfriend. He wasn't going to sing any of them in the concert, though; everything that has to do with _that _time of his life is still too painful to be able to sing about it on stage. No, that was not true. He _could_ sing it on stage, and he could fake a smile and enthusiasm and he could make the audience scream. But he won't enjoy it, and all he wanted to do now was have some fun.

"Are you ready, Shuichi?" a familiar voice tore him away from his thoughts and cut through his humming. He looked up to see Hiro smiling at him. "It's almost time."

"It's not me you should ask," he replied with a smirk. "Megumi would be the right address for that."

"Almost there, Shindou-Sama," the girl named Megumi, currently moving with a makeup brush over his eyelids, replied and a grin was clear in her voice. "But it might take less time if you don't open your eyes."

"Oh! Right, I'm sorry," Shuichi forced himself not to look at his best friend.

"Great. It's almost time to go on stage. Shuichi…"

The sudden change in Hiro's voice alerted the vocalist, and he almost opened his eyes again. "What happened?"

"Nothing, I just wonder… Are you ready for this?"

"Are you kidding me? Of course I am. I'm dying to be on the same stage with you guys again. I can't wait to be with my Japanese fans again – thanks Megumi," he said when the girl said they were done, and then he opened his eyes and got up from his chair. "The Americans… it's not the same, you know? And…" he started. He wanted to say _and I want to feel loved again_ but realized how pathetic that would sound. Luckily enough, though, Hiro completed the sentence instead of him.

"And you just can't wait for an excuse to smooch me in public, don't you?"

Shuichi stuck his tongue out playfully. "You know what those fan-girls say… Fan-service is the best and all."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's the reason. But that was not what I meant. I meant… after everything that happened with Yuki. Are you ready for the possibility that he will be there tonight? Or worse… that he _won't_ show up?"

Shuichi's smile disappeared, and the spark in his eyes disappeared. "I'm not that kind of person anymore, Hiro. I've grown up. I'm a professional now… whatever happens with him, I can pull off a show just like always. I thought you knew that already. I don't care. What matters is to do our best out there, and make everyone happy, right? It had always been our main goal."

"Exactly so. That was exactly what I wanted to hear. I wonder, though, how they will react to your new look."

Now, that Shuichi was standing, the whole picture of his new image was revealed. No longer flashy, flamboyant costumes. He was wearing a pair of Jeans, that were a little loose on him, held by a hot pink belt. His shirt wasn't as revealing as they tended to be in their older concerts, but something a little more respectful – a T-shirt with a cool print on it, made of fabric that cling onto his body in an almost annoying way. His hair was in its natural colour, arranged in a stylish way on top of his head. Even his makeup was less bright; he could still see pink on his eyes, but no more of the insane amounts of black eyeliner he used to wear. Even his skin was its natural colour. Definitely not the way he used to be.

Shuichi winked at his fellow musician, the serious talk of a second ago pushed to the back of his mind as he made himself get the performance mind set. "They gonna _love_ me."

They got on the stage not even ten minutes later, to the exciting shouts of the sold out venue. Finally, after all that time, he could hear his own name screamed at him with admiration and lust; he forgot how much he missed it. Shuichi smiled to himself – making sure to make it look like he seductively smiled at his audience – as he approached the front of the stage, where his microphone was standing, waiting for him. Hiro was right behind him – to his right, like he always was. His loyal right-hand. Sugiro was somewhere on his left, arranging his new – bigger – keyboard.

Shuichi stood in front of his audience with his eyes closed, allowing their energy to flow through him. He stood there quietly for a moment, just listening to the applause before he opened his eyes and looked at them. He could barely see through the blinding lights of the stage, but he could see in his imagination how it probably looked like.

"Hello everyone!"

The crowd roared in answer, and suddenly Shuichi recalled the first time he had been here, back when he was eighteen. He remembered how the crowd roared then too – but they were asking for ASK to come up the stage; ASK no longer existed, he knew, and their vocalist was in jail now. He wasn't sure what for, but he was glad it was that way. Of course, he had never forgiven him for what he'd done to him, but he never charged him with anything, too scared and ashamed to do anything about what happened. He didn't mind; he did it all to protect Yuki.

Yuki.

He suddenly remembered how, on BAD LUCKs first live, Yuki was standing there at the back of the crowd, almost hidden by the sound and lights stand. He remembered how he froze on the stage, too shocked to do anything, still a little child in love for the first time. He couldn't help but scan the audience, searching for the blond. After all, this time – just like back then, when Shuichi found him to confess his feelings – he had invited him to the concert. But he wasn't there. At least, Shuichi couldn't see him. He blinked, and realized he was probably quiet for too long. No; he wasn't the liitle kid who froze up on stage like he used to be, when he met Ryuichi for the first time in his life as he saved the day by taking the liberty to get on the stage and sing. No; now he was a professional.

He smiled broadly and shot his fist in the air. "Are you feeling good today?" Another roar, louder. He smiled broadly. "It had been a while… I missed you. Have you missed me?" Roar. "I didn't hear you!" He shouted. "Have you missed me?" The audience screamed again. Shuichi took the mic out of its stand, and walked across the stage. "No, no, no, that just won't do… have you missed BAD LUCK?" More screaming, and Shuichi smiled and ran to the other side of the stage, and repeated the question. The fans screamed again, and only then Shuichi let go of the question. He walked back to the centre of the stage, and placed the microphone back in its place. "It had been a while… so let's get started! We will start with the first song we've ever played on a stage… the Rage Beat!" more round of screams, and Shuichi stared straight ahead. Hiro hit the first note on his guitar, and the concert started.

**~TBC~**

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I hope you liked this chapter! I know it was a little disappointing... no Yuki... _yet_.

Please leave a review before you move on! Helps me keep up the spirits and, well, it's nice :) Say whatever you want! haha

xoxo


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Hi buddies! Sorry for taking long again...

I'm trying... I really am... (╥﹏╥)

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gravitation, or anything about it.

**ENJOY YOUR READING!**

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The cool night breeze brushed against his face and he closed his eyes. He allowed himself to breath freely, after almost two hours of singing and shouting in the thick air of the venue, with all the people and smoke and the smell of sweat, his throat blessed the relatively clear air of Odaiba. He was alone there, having told Hiro and Sugiro to go to their homes and he wants to stay a little longer; Shuichi simply didn't want to go home yet, he didn't feel like staying alone at his hotel (he still didn't find a new apartment in Tokyo, and actually wasn't sure he wanted to stay in that city at all), and he didn't want to spend time at Hiro's house.

He opened his eyes and looked forward, seeing the rainbow bridge, beautiful with its lights, just like its name implies, painting a rainbow over the Tokyo Bay. It was always a gorgeous view, but now, after three years that he couldn't see it, it was even prettier. He could see Shibuya at the other side, and remembered the gigs BAD LUCK used to have there, back when they just started and got their own concert instead of being booked as opening act. Back then, Yuki used to attend all his concerts. He never missed any of them. Truth was, Shuichi could only remember about five times Yuki didn't come to his concert, all of which because he was sick, or too much over his deadline (in which cases it was Shuichi who demanded the other man to stay at home). It was strange, standing on that stage, looking at the crowd and not knowing that Yuki was there.

"The famous rock star is reduced to standing after midnight, alone at the closed Venus Fort."

Shuichi's gaze was shot from the Rainbow Bridge and Asakusas' SkyTree to look in the direction of the surprisingly familiar voice. Could it really be?...

But of course. He would never be mistaken in that voice, that tune… the question was why on Earth he decided to show up after all. The puzzle was probably visible all over his face as the blond let out a short sneer, his eyes fixed on the horizon. Shuichi wasn't sure if he was looking at Asakusa, Tokyo, or somewhere far, far away. "You did get a little bit better. Still the same old crappy lyrics, but your pronunciation has improved. You know what I thought about you writing lines in English when you barely knew what they meant, let alone how to sing them."

"You were the only one who cared."

"I was the only one who wasn't affected by your tiny outfits."

Shuichi smirked. It was a cold, painful smile. "I have to disagree on that one."

"Oh, I never said I didn't _like_ it when you wore it. Or didn't wear it. But I was never shallow enough to let it hide your lack of talent."

_Oh. Great. So _that's_ what he's here for._ "Well, thank you for pointing that out and letting me, once again, know how little you think of me as an artist."

"Still too immature to handle real criticism?" Yuki put his hand in his pocket and took out his box of cigarettes. It had been over eight years that Shuichi had known him, but he never once changed the brand he was smoking. The blond drew a cigarette and placed it between his lips before he put the packet back in his pocket a lighter, lit up the stick, and placed it back. The disgusting smell filled Shuichi's nostrils right away. He forgot how much he hated that scent, after he got used to it when they lived together and then three years of being away from it as neither he nor Ryuichi have smoked in attempt to keep their voices clear and healthy. He ignored it.

"I can handle it alright, but if that's all you wanted then I think I'll let you enjoy the view on your own." He'd never admit it, but he was hurt. Hurt and happy at the same time – even if Yuki was there only to insult him, he cared enough to be there and do that, when he could've just ignored his presence and never see him again. It was something… right? He turned from him and started walking away. He didn't need to hear all that right after his comeback concert. Not that he wasn't sure of himself, or that he really thought he had no talent… he knew he was good. One of the best, if not _the_ best. Tonight was just a proof of that; after all this time, he could still fill up the clubs and make it go sold out hours after the ticket sale starts.

"You want me back, don't you?"

"What?" the question took Shuichi by complete surprise. He stopped mid-step and turned around, facing the older man again.

"That's why you came to my house and invited me to come today, isn't it? You realized what a stupid brat you've been and you want redemption. Let me tell you something then," Yuki paused to suck on his cigarette slowly, then allowed the smoke out of his mouth. "You'd better erase those dreams from your silly mind. It's going to be too hard to make me trust you again, you're not cut out for this. Give up."

"I never said I wanted you back at all," Shuichi was annoyed. Not that it wasn't true; he had played with the idea, somewhere at the back of his mind. Sometimes he was even actively thinking about it, wondering how it would be like to go back to what used to be, or if the last three years never happened. But he knew it was close to impossible. Yuki had way too much pride and self esteem to be bent at simple manipulations to get him back, and Shuichi knew better than hope for it. However, hearing these words being said, thrown at him like that was painful, and hurt his ego. He wanted to think that he _could_, if he really wanted. If he decided he really wanted to, and he haven't. But something in the way the blond was talking to him that gave away an opening; maybe it was simply the fact that he showed up that interpreted in the singer's mind as a good enough proof that there was a chance, even the slightest, that his little fantasy _could_ come true, if he only cared enough. But _now_ he did. Something inside him clicked when Yuki spoke to him, the same thing that clicked when he was presented with a new impossible dead line for a new album or a single, or when Hiro composed a song that forced him to reach notes he usually couldn't. It was this stubborn part of him that couldn't say no to challenges, no matter how stupid or impossible or meaningless they were.

"You don't need to say that, it's written all over your face."

"Well, whatever. Like I said, I don't need to stand here and take all your crap." Shuichi turned on his hills. He'll have to figure out a way; Yuki wasn't the kind of men who could be easily manipulated. But maybe if he acts like he simply don't care… it could help, couldn't it?

"Like I had to take yours for five years? You've always ran away from harsh truths, Shuichi. I see no matter how mature you _look_, you're still the same old annoying brat you were when I met you. Too bad you didn't change that along with your hair colour."

"Whatever," answered the younger man, and he strode off into the night, his mind busy with endless thoughts and emotions. He was full of anger, yearning, pain and regret. He remembered Hiroshi's words from long, long ago. . I think you'll be making a big mistake, Shu, the other man have said.

Now, Shuichi knew how right he was, and his mind was racing, desperately trying to find a way to fix this.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** OMG I'm SO sorry! I really hit the bottom with this one now... 5 months to update. So sorry! I'm going to try to update more regularly.

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Something was terribly wrong. Sure, Shuichi was one irrational brat; he did have his own caprice and often Hiro couldn't understand him a tiny bit. He did have the tendency to disappear every once in a while, but he always came back by the end of the day, crying and demanding attention like a lost puppy that was found. However, when the third night after their concert night rolled by there was no doubt in his heart; something happened to the vocalist.

Hiroshi had his own suspicions as to the whereabouts of his friend. He could clearly remember The look on his face when they got off stage, some kind of utmost sorrow he fought to hide, grazing it with the adrenaline rush he always had after concerts and a huge smile, but the red head knew him far too well, and he had a feeling it had something to do with the fact that his ex, Eiri, showed up. Hiro wasn't sure that Shuichi noticed him – he was pretty much hidden in the dark, obviously trying to disguise himself in the shadows and away from the blinding lights of the stage. Also, Shuichi hadn't said a word about him – but the smaller boy had changed almost entirely during his stay in America. Hiro still felt like he knew him better than himself, but couldn't deny that there were some aspects in his personality he couldn't predict anymore; perhaps he met with the blond and there was something that was said that caused him to retreat back to the states? It seemed like the most likely option. Just as suddenly as he brought up the subject of coming back, so he could decided to disappear again and pursue Ryuichi. Hiro could see it clearly in his mind's eyes: a harsh conversation between Shuichi and Eiri that causes the first to run back to his last known comfort zone – straight back to Ryuichi's arms, just like he did every time the writer hurt him; it didn't take more than a single word to get the crying boy crawl back into his bed and beg for mercy, even though most of times it wasn't even his fault. Hiro did hope that his experience in a foreign country combined with time passing would cure him from his lack of spine, but hopes and reality were strangers at most times and he couldn't ignore the likeliness of the option that the boy hadn't matured at all despite the way he acted and looked now.

But even if it seemed likely that he simply took the train to Narita and got on the first plane to America, Hiro couldn't rule out and ignore his fear that something had happened to him. After all, he disappeared right after asking to be left alone after midnight. A young, handsome small boy like him could've fallen prey to all kinds of perverts and criminals.

There was only one way to find out what might have happened to Shuichi.

Not caring about anything but his mission, he rushed to his motorcycle – he did bother buying a new one since Shuichi left them – and drove away, ignoring the stinging wind lashing against his face as he swallowed the distance like he did so many times before. Even thought the last time he drove to that house had been over three years ago, the Tokyo roads were still familiar, forever changing but altogether staying the same. Buildings were torn down and built up, roads being destroyed and rebuilt, but everything stayed pretty much the same. It was hard to forget roads he used to drive several times a week for five years, when visiting his friend, or picking him up for a rehearsal or a gig.

He pulled his motorcycle at the entrance to the building and jumped off it, pulling the helmet off as he walked down the path leading to the main door. He stared at the intercom that was resting on the wall right next to the door. He tried to pull the numbers he used to know from his memory, hoping it'd work even though long time had passed and the password might have been changed. He raised his hand to it, and pressed a number hesitantly. Just as he was to press another number, the glass doors opened as one of the other residents walked out. Hiro couldn't help but jerk himself from the wall.

"Hold it please! I have to reach Mr. Eiri!" he called, and the woman looked somewhat alerted. She definitely didn't expect a stranger to cry so desperately at her when she left her house, by the way she looked just to get to the nearest convenience store to get something she found out she didn't have at home.

Too shocked to do anything else, she stood at the entrance, holding the door open. He rushed in before she'd realize strangers weren't supposed to be able to enter the building, no matter what name they threw in the air, and headed towards the elevator. He waiting impatiently for the device to get him to the seventh floor, and once the doors opened he darted out and reached the door he knew led to Yukis' loft. He knocked on it, hard, repeatedly until the hinges screeched quietly, a fait protest as the door was being opened. An annoyed face appeared. Of course, Eiri didn't expect anyone, especially not anyone as forceful as Hiro. The dark haired man saw the annoyed expression grimace in acknowledgment as he recognized the man in front of him, and then the annoyance returning – even clearer than before.

"Can I help you, Nagano?"

"Shuichi's gone."

Hiro could see a flicker of emotion flashing through the other mans' face at the sound of these simple two words, but it disappeared fast enough. "What does it have to do with me? We're not lovers anymore."

Hiro narrowed his eyes, knowing he was being played. There was no way he was going to let Eiri get out of this so easily. "Last time I saw him was after the concert. I know you were there, too," the blond raised a doubting eyebrow, but said nothing nonetheless. "And Shuichi asked to be left alone. The only thing I could think about that would make him run away for two days is _you_, and I want to know exactly what you said to him. I thought… he might be here, or he'd betray a plan to get out of the country again to you."

"I know nothing," Eiri was about to close the door, but the younger man was sure he saw worry in those golden eyes. He seemed sincere enough, but Hiro wasn't ready to give up just yet.

"The fuck you don't know, Eiri," he sent his foot ahead to prevent the door from being closed.

Yuki didn't try to force the door to close, opening it again instead. "Why do you think I would know anything? He left years ago. Maybe you should ask Sakuma about his whereabouts."

The words came out bitter, and Hiro knew that even if the man would never admit it, he was still hurt. But if he spoke like that to Shuichi… the idiot would easily be hurt and was stupid enough to go back to Ryuichi. He had to know _for sure_ that this is what happened, and not anything else.

"He still loves you," he spat, as if it was some kind of a blame. "Did you tell him to go back to Ryuichi? Did you?"

Amber eyes narrowed, but Hiro could see worry hiding there, behind the anger. "No. He seemed calm when he left. I didn't do anything to him. Didn't the brat just go back to cry to you or something?"

"No, he disappeared that night."

Now, there was no doubt about the concern in Yukis' face. "I'm sorry, I can't help you then," he said, his voice cold. That was not what Hiro was expecting, but he had no grounds to stay there any longer. He stepped back.

"Sorry to bother you," he said, allowing a little bow before he turned on his heels and headed out. But behind his back, he was sure he heard the blond murmur _sorry I couldn't help you_.

Well then, it was time to get the police involved then. Hiros' heart sped up, his mind playing various horrible scenarios about what might have happened to the vocalist.


End file.
